Death coffer

    Does your Mom need Palliative Care?

    A very interesting article appeared on the front page of The New York Times in 2010. It was  about Dr. Desiree Pardi,  a leading practitioner of palliative care, one of the fastest growing fields in medicine. Palliative care is the counseling of terminally ill patients regarding their end of life choices. Unfortunately Dr. Pardi contracted terminal cancer and had to choose whether or not to receive palliative care herself. Ironically she chose not to, but rather decided to fight her illness aggressively until the end.

    Palliative care has become the standard practice of most hospitals in the country. It’s popularity is a backlash against the harsh, sterile treatment of patients at the end of life that had been practiced in so many hospitals. It stresses the relief of pain, and recognizing that after a certain point, aggressive treatment may prevent patients from enjoying what time they have left.

    Dr. Pardi chose to believe that her doctors underestimated her and that she could fight and win the battle against cancer. But she died a very painful death after extensive chemotherapy and other experimental treatments. She died before many of her colleagues could say goodbye and they grappled with her death. Some said she took the right course fighting her illness to the very end. Others said that she was in a state of denial and refused to accept her impending death.

    At what point would you recommend to your own parent that she receive palliative care? It is a very difficult decision and should be discussed prior to the time when a decision has to be made. Have you discussed your parent’s advanced directives with them, their health care proxy, their living will and their power of attorney?

    An excellent alternative to the traditional health care proxy and living will is the Five Wishes program. Each individual goes through a form which asks detailed questions regarding how they want the Five Wishes to be carried out. It is available through http://www.agingwithdignity.org

    Wish 1: The person I want to make health care decisions for me when I can’t make them for myself.

    Wish 2: My wish for the kind of medical treatment I want or don’t want.

    Wish 3: My wish for how comfortable I want to be.

    Wish 4: My wish for how I want people to treat me.

    Wish 5: My wish for what I want my loved ones to know.

    The form guides your parent through the decisions that have to be made in each of these areas. When s/he is done I suggest that you give him/her the opportunity to go through the form with you and discuss each area. You will be very glad that you did.

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    Reprinted from Bob Mauterstock’s The Gift of Communication Blog. Subscribe at http://www.GiftofCommunication.com  and receive Bob’s Family Meeting Checklist Guide.

    Don’t Darken the Twilight Years of Your Parents’ Lives

    Some people refer to old age as the “winter” of one’s life. But that doesn’t mean our elderly parents’ lives have to be dark, cold and lonely. There’s so much we can do to keep the sparkle in their lives, but we must cover all the angles.

    There are a number of problems that adult children might come across when trying to help their elderly parents. First and foremost, parents will always view their children as just that – children. It is very difficult for them to imagine a scenario where they become dependent on their offspring. This can make them defensive and difficult to deal with. Another issue is that elderly parents, for one reason or another, are not always fully open about medical, financial and other important issues. This can lead to great strain on the family later, when action needs to be taken but the children are unaware of vital details.

    In their old age, parents might have increasing trouble with everything from medical and financial needs, through to everyday tasks like shopping, laundry, cooking and cleaning. And if children are in full-time work themselves, with families of their own, care for their parents might just be the final straw that breaks their backs. But there are ways children can help their parents without being impacted so much. First, one needs to know all the details of their parents’ habits, needs and lifestyle. Look for tell-tale signs that they are struggling; are they keeping enough food in? Are there household tasks being left undone? What medications are they taking? What are their effects? Details such as these will help in deciding the best course of action.

    Nursing homes are often the first thing people jump to when care for their parents is needed. However, the fact is, many elderly people do not need nursing homes. Retirement villages are alternatives to nursing and care homes and give the elderly all the living assistance they need, while allowing them to maintain privacy and independence. They can improve their health with exercise, good diet and a generally more positive outlook. Such communities allow them to be surrounded by friends, have professional assistance on hand when they need it, and not feel like they are a burden on their children

    For many parents, being looked after by their children is unnatural and undesirable. Communicate with your parents and you will understand how to both please and help them.

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    PERMISSION TO REPRINT:
    =======================
    Financial Advisors may reprint any articles from The Gift of Communication Blog in your own print or electronic newsletter. But please include the following paragraph:

    Reprinted from Bob Mauterstock’s The Gift of Communication Blog. Subscribe at http://www.GiftofCommunication.com  and receive Bob’s Family Meeting Checklist Guide.